April 20 friday

I have been pondering creating a work manifesto. A usless rant based on my own lovely selfishness and endless bitterness. There must be humour in this chaos somewhere! I will not say what I do but if you are possesed of even a limited intelligence you can figure a pretty good guess..

1. What? the world doesnt revolove around my hangnail? Your fucking kidding me?

2. The Dr is out? Out where? Doesn't he know he should be at my beck and call at all times? Isn't that what they're for? I mean really this hangnail is killing me. How can he play golf whan I am in agony?

3. Ok, It's what, 4.30 pm on Friday, this blasted hangnail has been excurciatingly painful for 2 months now..I want to see my Dr today at 8.42pm!

4. These people they have answering the phones there are so dumb, don't they know who I am? Why do they have to ask me all these questions...I mean everyone should already know about this hangnail, really!

5. Maybe if I make it sound like this hangnail is really worse than it is...let's see, heart..chest pain that's it! I REALlY have bad chest pain, in fact I think I could be dying as we speak...yeah that's the ticket. That will scare them into giving me an earlier appointment. What? Nurse ?no really ...emergency room? No no don't call 911 it's just a hangnail really!

6. Silly woman, carrying on over a hangnail, why I've had to stick my severed finger back on twice already and this paperclip sticking out of my eye isn't really all that bad so you don't hear me running to the Dr's office every day, unless of course she calls them for me.

7. Oh my God Junior coughed, yes I'm sure it was a cough...oh God what next a sneeze?, he needs to see a Dr right away...Hello? yes my baby he coughed and could do it again at any moment I need to get him in..ph nut wait it has to be after his nap time and before my manicure.

8. Hello? hey yeah Junior fell off of something or other and I think maybe he broke something or other.. (screaming in the background) hey kid what hurts? Whats that on you leg there? Oh is that your bone sticking out? Yeah ok, so I think he broke his leg. Oh yeah this was last Tuesday.

9. Ooooo Honey let me tell you, I have had a fire crotch for days now! Ooooowheee baby I tell ya ever since ah... hmm whatshisname I have just been a flammin down there! Aunt Betty told me about the Mayonaise/horseradish cure but it didn't work so when can ya squeeze me in?

10. Yes my name is Vludfrangrioanicopreedipta Supercalifragisticexpealidoshus. My addressis4115135thstevergreencityoregonphonenumberis656-895-9865andIneedtobeseenforaroutinephysicalby7pmtonight.

11.Pshehhhheshhhhsh crackle crackle psheehshshshehe beep whooosh Of course you can't hear me! I'm on a whhhoosh shpeeew cell phone stupid!!

12. Hi! Let me tell you I am so stressed since I got promoted and Fred has been working all the hours God sends and Bobby's turtle died yesterday and things have just been just sooooo crazy with the move to the new house you know and my boss...oh man has she been on my butt all week and so then I forgot all about the....


Thank you for calling,is there anything else I can help you with today? Short of a personality transplant or course : )